My Journey to Body Grief

I found my way to this place practicing Body Grief therapy through my own experience with it, as is so often the case with mental health professionals. We set out hoping to heal ourselves, and heal others in the process–therapists are humans, after all! We have pasts and trauma and bodies and relationships, just like you. 

I grew up experiencing the world as a sensitive person, easily attuned to the emotional state of those around me, often being the trusted one with whom people easily shared their struggles. I entered Corporate America after college, but I knew it wasn’t the right fit after a few years and some soul searching. I pivoted, and got my masters in Social Work, focusing on family systems, with a post-graduate certification in Marriage & Family Therapy. Being a therapist is so aligned with the person I am; I love holding space for people and walking beside them as they navigate the messiness of life; relationships, families, anxiety, depression, and loss. I believe that we are all capable of more than we know, and that our pain can be a powerful catalyst for positive change in our lives when handled with proper care.  

Alongside being a full time therapist, I am also a full time equestrian–something that often takes people by surprise! I grew up riding horses very casually, and did not become a competitive rider until my early 20s. Over the last 15 years, my riding and love of horses has evolved into my other full time business-which is owning and operating a horse farm in Northern Illinois. 

In 2021, however, I had a really traumatic fall while riding. I tore my ACL, MCL, and meniscus, and had to have reconstructive surgery. While I have had plenty of horse falls over the years, none of them were as devastating as this fall. None of my doctors or physical therapists prepared me for the mental and physical toll that recovery would take on me. I spent the better part of a year rehabbing my knee, working with a physical therapist three times a week and a personal trainer twice a week. The physical recovery paled in comparison to the mental component. I found myself sidelined from something that had become so central to my identity; the doubt and depression were very loud during this chapter and I often found myself wondering if I even wanted to continue in the sport. With a lot of soul searching and therapy, I decided that this injury was an opportunity for growth; that I didn’t want to return to the version of myself who got hurt, but rather, I wanted to propel forward into a stronger, more embodied version of myself. 

Through the work I’ve done over the last few years, I have become the strongest, most at peace version of myself yet (I think that healing and growth are life long pursuits). I have been focused on my own process and now I am ready to share what I’ve learned to help others in their own journeys. When it comes to body grief– grief which is centered on your physical body and how it intersects with your mental well being–sometimes you don’t have the luxury of the option to return to who you were before. Before the baby, or the injury, or the weight gain or loss, or the insert other life changing body transformation circumstance here! There are endless ways in which our bodies and lives are irreparably altered, through no fault or choice of our own. What we’re doing together at Grief Into Gold is meeting in this place of change, and finding our way through it to the next phase of your life. Together, I want to help you turn your pain into power and your grief into gold.